The Awfulness of Fancying Someone (or, Romeo & Juliet is a warning)

I was in love. For the first time.

I made her a collage.

??

Then I painted it.

(I can’t paint.)

Then I stole from Shakespeare:

Take her and cut her out in little stars,

And she will make the face of heaven so fine

That all the world will be in love with night

And pay no worship to the garish sun.

Nice, right?

Except I wrote garnish sun.

Garnish, like mustard, or mayonnaise.

And pay no worship to the mayonnaise sun.

She took it home and put it up above her family table.

Every trip round for dinner was a reminder that I am:

1) a romantic

2) an absolute fucking glipe

Also, weird that the quote talks about mutilating your beloved. Violent, no? But we’ll get back to that.

Everyone thinks ‘wherefore art thou Romeo?’ means ‘where are you Romeo?’. But it actually means ‘why are you Romeo?’